Marry, Bed, or Bury: William Blake

William Blake: English poet and painter, 1757-1827, Sagittarius


Age at time of portrait: 50. Not too shabby.

Maybe you had to read Blake's famous poem “The Tyger” in tenth grade English – it is, after all, the most anthologized poem of all time. He started writing poetry when he was twelve, bu thankfully none of his emo middle school stuff survives. He’s also known for his paintings and engravings.

Romantic resume: Married Catherine Boucher in 1782. When they met at a mutual friend’s party, William immediately broke that one rule about not bringing up ex-girlfriends in the first conversation. He told Catherine that he had just been dumped. He asked her if she pitied him, and when she said she did, William broke yet another dating rule, saying, “Then, I love you.” They got married a year later.

It worked out pretty well. He taught her how to read, write, and engrave. They were even able to work through a rough patch when Blake [reportedly] brought up that always ill advised “Hey honey, I was thinking maybe I should get a concubine since you can’t conceive…” conversation. They were known to lounge naked in their summerhouse and recite Paradise Lost to each other. Swoon.



Emily's Take: Sorry, but I'm going to have to say bury.

I can't get over the creepy comment to his future wife. I mean, saying you love someone because they pity you? Sounds like a serial killer in the making.

I bet his wife was ugly. That or she just didn't get out very much. If she felt like she had any choice about who to marry (i.e. if more than one person had ever told her that they love her), she wouldn't have said yes.

I can't bring myself to say marry because I'm not that desperate...

Ann's Take: Don't share Alison's passion for bad facial hair, so to be honest, I would bury him on that alone. Wait, I just went to look at the picture again to reevaluate, and there's no facial hair? I'm so confused now.

Charna's Take: Gonna have to disagree with both Emily and Ann on this one. Marry.

William Blake is foxy. I would frame his fearful symmetry anytime, mmmk?

Secondly, summerhouse? Forget lounging naked. I would take him based on that summerhouse alone.

The way it works

You know that game, Marry, Screw, or Kill? You know, the one where you're given a celebrity, or just any person really, and you have to decide if you'd rather, well, marry, screw, or kill him?

This is that game. Except it's exclusively with dead people.

We will provide you with all the information you need to make an informed decision should one of these dead people come back to life and have an insatiable desire to be with you. Will you take him home with you for eternity? Just one night? Or will you kick him back to the grave?

"We" are Alison, Charna, Emily, and Ann. We will take turns writing up the bios and providing our own opinions about the matter.

Something about our tastes: I, Alison, am easily swayed by bad facial hair, with the exception of soul patches, which are unforgivable. Charna is easily swayed by bad-assery, particularly that of Alexander Hamilton. Emily is easily swayed by U.S. presidents and fictional characters. Ann is easily swayed by tall, god-like Swedes and other Scandinavian peoples.